Secrets and keys to successful relationship
By: Caleb Elochukwu –
In simple terms, relationship means your interaction with people around you. According to Oxford Dictionary, “relationship is the way in which two people, groups, or countries behave towards each other or deal with each other.”
Relationship is one of the inevasible concepts of nature. The whole of humanity functions through relationships; man was created through relationship and for relationship. This fact is corroborated by the “Law of Congeniality” which states that where two or more persons are gathered in any strata of life, there is only one thing common among them, relationship.
Despite its significance, relationship is yet to be exploited maximally for personal and global relevance due to certain paradigms which have ensured that this blessed God-given tool for human existence, is underutilized or abused especially among teenagers and young adults. When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable (Myles Munroe). Abuse simply means Ab-(normal) use and sincerely relationships have been abused.
Forms of Relationships:
Relationship involves interactions and the various forms of these interactions include:
Personal relationship: Interaction with oneself. “Man know thyself” is one of the Greek maxims stated by Pythagoras and the great Athenian philosopher Socrates similarly said “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” You cannot interact successfully with others if you don’t know how to interact with yourself. Personal relationship is based on the concept of self-mastery. It is a continuous interaction and fundamental to every other form of relationship. Personal relationship involves interacting with your spirit, soul and body, understanding your individual elements, strengths and weaknesses, and using these tools to improve your life towards successful living. Unfortunately, many are not in relationships with themselves. You cannot act beyond the limitations you place on yourself.
Creator/Creature relationship: Interaction with your creator, another important form of relationship. Man is a creature, created for relationship through relationship by God. The most important law is “Love your creator with all your being”. In essence, man is expected by obligation to have a relationship with His creator, unfortunately this is not the case with many today due to ignorance among other factors. How can you successfully relate with your fellow creatures (humans) if you don’t have a relationship with the one whom created them? It is more difficult to relate with humans than it is with God.
Family relationship: Involves interaction between husband/wife, parents/children, siblings, blood relatives (cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc). This form of relationship also influences other forms of relationship because it serves as foundation for others.
Social relationships: Interaction with the society. It is in these form of relationship that a plethora of interactions abound. Interaction between friends (boy/boy, girl/girl, boy/girl, man/woman) fiancé/fiancée, colleagues, acquaintances, leaders/followers, mentors/mentees, pastor/flock, teacher/students, peers, friends/foes, religious groups, political parties/members, belief systems, etc. Onerously, most societal problems come from the failures in these social interactions.
However, all these forms of relationships are categorized into two archetypes/models: Active relationship and Passive relationship. Every person on earth is involved in both types of relationships.
Active Relationship: Relationship is defined consciously or subconsciously and individuals involved are aware, thus contributing to the overall aim or goal of such relationships. Good example of active relationships are family relationships.
Passive Relationship: Relationship is usually undefined but exists and individuals involved in these interactions may or may not contribute to the relationship, however like residual income they enjoy the benefits of these interactions. Majority of social relationships occur within passive relationships.
Principles of Relationship:
RELATIONSHIP IS WORK. According to Physics, work is defined as a force causing the displacement of an object in a particular (defined) direction (Britannica.com). Work done involves some level of effort, time and distance towards a defined direction. One of my favorite example about work (from secondary school) was “A man carrying 50kg of cement on his head but standing at a spot has done no work in comparison to a man who carries 5kg of a load through and fro the stairs.”
In the same manner, relationship demands some effort, time and distance towards a defined direction. If you fail to understand this principle or unwilling to apply it, you will continually fail in whatever kind of relationship you find yourself. Work the work involved to make your relationship work!
RELATIONSHIP IS INEVITABLE. We have established this fact, as one of the fundamental principles of relationship. No man is an island is a cliché we have come to know. You are always involved in interaction people at all points of life. Even after death, do you know that relationship continues? Relationship is inevitable and eternal.
RELATIONSHIP IS THE MOST POWERFUL CURRENCY AND PEOPLE ARE GOLD: Currencies are means of exchange. The higher the exchange rate, the more powerful the currency. Relationship transcends every other form of currencies because. If you do not know how to bargain with this currency, you will always be out-negotiated at the market of life. Every human being is valuable but the extent of value you get from them depends on how you can use the currency of relationship.
Esoteric Keys to Strategically Build/Improve Successful Relationships:
Esoteric: means understood by a chosen few usually a small number of an enlightened inner circle. Esoteric simply means something that is hidden and uncommon, known only to few people.
Keys: Resources usually information or knowledge, which gives the possessor access to power.
Strategy: Means a plan of action intended to accomplish a specific goal.
Build/Improve: To develop or give form to something according to a plan through a process
Relationship: The way you interact with different kinds of people.
Esoteric keys are those resourceful information about relationship which may be common, however hidden to many people whose application through certain strategies gives the individuals access to effective relationship with all kinds of people.
These esoteric keys cover all and are applicable in all aspects of relationships:
Introspection: Based on the principle of self-mastery and self-awareness. This key is the beginning of interacting successfully with others. Introspection is the careful examination of your own thoughts, feelings, and reasons for behaving in a particular way (Oxford Dictionary). Introspection helps you understand your actions towards yourself and others. Every person has an element of self-righteousness, an ego that tries to justify their wrongs (most times). However, when you begin to introspect, you become less judgmental, less antagonistic, less critical, less affected by Other People’s Drama (OPD). Between stimulus and response, lies your greatest power- the ability to choose how you respond to things (Steve Harvey). This ability is developed through introspection. Always remember, you are human as much as others are. Humans are not without flaws, so are you!
Introspection will help you to build internal resilience and external defence.
Intentionality: Intention gives birth to realities. You must be deliberate about the kind of relationships you love to have. Define what you want in a relationship and go for it. Many persons are not intentional about how they relate with people, which is why they keep failing. Within your intentions lie those congruent elements such as commitment, communication, love, forgiveness, tolerance, patience, empathy, compassion, etc. that help to build great relationships. For example, you cannot tolerate a smoker around you because you are not intentional about the person due to absence of introspection within, however, remember that you are in a passive relationship with that smoker. His actions/lifestyle affect yours! But when you become intentional and employ the elements of love, tolerance, most times you attract these persons to live a changed life. The best way to be intentional about your relationships is to begin with the end in mind! Based on the principle of two creation which states that everything is created twice; first in the mind and then physically. Same applies for relationships through intentionality
Honour: Honour begets favour and favour is a determinant of how productive your relationships are. HONOUR ALL MEN. Honour is simply showing respect to people. Have respect for the old as well as the young, literate as well as the illiterate, beautiful as well as the ugly, wise as well as the foolish etc. As humans, we tend to show bias when it comes to honour. However, true honour eliminates bias and that is how successful relationships are built. Everyone has something to offer you, honour is the key that usually unlocks them, favour is the key that conveys them to you! Respect people’s choices, opinions, values, principles, character. Always find a way to agree in order to disagree! As humans, we possess different characters but for the purpose of building successful relationships, agreeing to disagree is the best way to deal with different characters. This can be achieved through honour. The power of honour/respect is its reciprocity. The Law of Reciprocity states that honour is directly proportional to favour as long as loyalty remains constant (Caleb D’Great, 2021).
Be Valuable: Nobody wants to associate with liabilities. Even people that tolerate liable persons have a yielding & breaking point! It is true that every one cannot be the same and we cannot operate with the same capacities. However, it is pertinent to understand that in your little way bring value to the table! Bringing value operates on the principle of give and take. Relationship basically is give and take! What is bad when you become a chronic taker and acute giver! Relationships where people are chronic takers, don’t last! The simple reason is that no humans love to be exploited! You can only have this relationship with God… He won’t get tired but humans must get tired at some point. The key to bringing value lies in personal development/self-growth… At this point I’d introduce our guest speaker.
In conclusion, focus on building your relationships strategically. Like all good things, building successful relationships take time but in the end, it is worth the process! Having a successful and productive relationship can be a generational blessing.
Take away: Always remember that in every relationship, one person usually holds the key. Be that person!